Sunday 31 October 2010
The Human Centipede [First Sequence]
This Halloween I watched a pair of girls, afflicted with incredible levels of cliche, meet one of cinemas finest mad german scientists who uses them to realise an idea that is theoretically abhorrent but in actuality boils down to a bunch of people crying into each others asses.
Saturday 30 October 2010
Legend Of The Guardians : The Owls Of Ga'Hoole [3D]
Friday 29 October 2010
Dumbo
I had resigned classic Disney animation to the same dumping ground as Santa and the Tooth Fairy, i.e. something you don't really believe in now you're all grown up.
Dumbo demonstrated that I may have been a little too hasty with such resignation if only for the fact that it contains songs that made me smile, as opposed to grind my teeth for their duration. Oh, and pink elephants.
Sunday 24 October 2010
Bloodsucking Freaks [The Incredible Torture Show]
Wednesday 20 October 2010
Splinter
Total atrocity about a bizarre unexplained spiky mould that menaces a bunch of people whose only defence is a combination of mind numbing stupidity and horrendous, turgid dialogue ("It's ok, we're cutting your arm off" is one of the best).
There was almost a glimmer of something worthwhile when the threat takes on a larger creature form, but eventually I realised I couldn't tell whether people were screaming because they were being attacked by the monster or by the incredibly enthusiastic editing.
Tuesday 19 October 2010
Boot Camp
Saturday 16 October 2010
The Adventures Of Mark Twain
A lavish, freaked out advertisement for Plasticine.
Basically a meditation on existence communicated via snippets of Twain's stories and observations, the best bit being when Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn meet Satan who creates an entire city populated by crude replicas of Tony Hart's Morph just to cruelly destroy it all whilst explaining that life is nothing more than a thought within a void.
Basically a meditation on existence communicated via snippets of Twain's stories and observations, the best bit being when Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn meet Satan who creates an entire city populated by crude replicas of Tony Hart's Morph just to cruelly destroy it all whilst explaining that life is nothing more than a thought within a void.
Despicable Me [3D]
Friday 15 October 2010
The Guard Post [GP506]
When a guard post on the border between the Koreas is discovered with everybody inside chopped to pieces by the only survivor, a man is given a paltry 12 hours to navigate a messy tangle of flashbacks and figure out which film this is most trying to be.
Early indicators point toward The Happening, an unfortunate association that the film never quite manages to shake off.
Early indicators point toward The Happening, an unfortunate association that the film never quite manages to shake off.
Tuesday 12 October 2010
Monday 11 October 2010
Saturday 9 October 2010
A Serbian Film [Srpski film]
Thanks to the finger wagging moron all I was aware of before watching this was the 'Vile and Shocking Content etc'. So it was a surprise to find that the utterly gut churning imagery on offer was neatly embedded in an extremely well made, truly excellent Cronenberg style descent into screaming madness.
Although it does get nasty. Really nasty.
Thursday 7 October 2010
Rest Stop
The Hole In 3D
Tuesday 5 October 2010
Alice In Acidland
Shows girls imbibing vast quantities of drugs and liquor before going on to frantically dry hump anything that moves whilst a man constantly tells you that this is BAD.
After an hour of this I was slightly bored and fairly convinced that the man was wrong, they appeared to be having a wail of a time. In order to back up his prior assertations the man then shows that the titular Alice is now a TOTAL MENTAL VEGETABLE, and furthermore this state is her Acidland!
I felt somewhat cheated.
Monday 4 October 2010
Pinocchio
Saturday 2 October 2010
Sky High
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